


Grief

by volta_said_revolt



Category: Arc of a Scythe Series - Neal Shusterman
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Character Death Fix, Five Stages of Grief, Fix-It, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21609253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volta_said_revolt/pseuds/volta_said_revolt
Summary: Rowan's journey through the stages of grief throughout the books.(+1 additional stage)
Relationships: Rowan Damisch/Scythe Volta
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Grief

_1\. Denial_

When talking to High Blade Xenocrates Rowan managed to maintain his composure. In the two days since the Tonist massacre, he hadn't had time to process what he had seen and done, so it had been relatively simple to pretend he wasn't affected. The final test, the fight against Citra, and his escape from the conclave had launched him into an adrenaline rush. Only now, in his small hideout somewhere in Fulcrum City, he could allow himself to think. To remember. To acknowledge. But he didn't want to. He didn't want to believe he was all alone in the world now. 

He recalled Volta suggesting they break away from Goddard after Rowan's ordainment. How long ago it seemed, and yet it had been less than a week since that conversation. And now, it would never happen again. It should've pained him to realise any happiness he could have had was gone. However, despite all the time he had, Rowan refused to look back and reflect on the past few days. He pushed it all down and set his sights to the future.

_2\. Anger_

He didn't have a plan for what was ahead of him so he filled his time with the only thing he now knew how to do. He gleaned. He went after scythes he hated, hunted them down and burned them. So that they wouldn't return. Just like his past and his potential future had turned to ash in another fire, so too would these scythes' corruption. His mission had begun, he realised, in the Tonist cloister. It had just been extended to include every despicable scythe in North Merica.

He found out how much they truly feared him when he heard his name for the first time. Scythe Lucifer. Rowan thought he must be going mad, but he liked it. In a twisted way, it was everything he wanted to be - a scythe, a free man, one who did not obey anyone's orders anymore. So, he played the part. He donned the forbidden black robe and he went out on the streets, viciously taking his revenge on those who had been silent supporters in his downfall. Rowan still would not look to the past, his vision now clouded with blood.

_3\. Bargaining_

Discovering that Scythe Rand had survived his rage felt like a punch in the gut. He hated her for being alive, deemed her the least worthy to have crawled out of the ashes. And yet, a small part of him hoped and pleaded. For what, he still would not allow himself to say - it was useless to hope for the impossible.

Meanwhile, he watched as his oldest friend grew stronger under Rand's hand. Tyger didn't seem to care that he was being groomed for something. When he found out about his horrifying end, Rowan could only hope he had remained so undisturbed until the last moment. Now, faced with this new disgusting version of Goddard, he felt that tiny part of him lift its head again. The voice in his head that he had been trying to drown out, the one that only had one question to ask - "Could anybody else have survived?". On some days Rowan was tempted to ask Rand what he needed to know. He had seen her attitude towards Tyger, surely she could understand? However, he always changed his mind within the second. He could not, would not, show these monsters he was weak in any way.

_4\. Depression_

Once again, Rowan was in Goddard's clutches. It was starting to feel oddly familiar. This time, he was being paraded around like a dangerous animal. He was getting quite tired of being people's prisoner. First on Endura, then with Possuelo, now this. His small vehicle allowed him time to think, at least. And he did think, mostly because of lack of things to do - toying with the public could only go so far. Of course, Rowan's thoughts were not enjoyable ones, as he was apparently not destined to have anything positive in his life. So he resided in his mind, exploring potential situations and 'what-ifs', that all seemed to divulge from a single point in the past. These scenarios tore into his soul with sadness and regret, but they also brought him a strange sense of calm. He grew numb to the pain he felt, his one constant companion. And so, he travelled as Goddard's attraction to his bitter end.

_5\. Acceptance_

Tied to the terrifying, yet glamorous pyre, Rowan supposed it was as good a place as any for some reflection. His numbness persisted, but he welcomed it. He wondered if the ones he'd lost would welcome him into the afterlife, or if he was doomed to more horrors in the beyond. He was going to find out soon, he supposed. It was a rather fitting end for Scythe Lucifer, he had to admit. A frightening one for Rowan Damisch, but that was unimportant now. Rowan had lost his will to go on long ago. Coming to terms with the events in his life was all he could do now. 

And then, interrupting his farewell to the world, came the unfamiliar scythes.

_+1. Reacquaintance_

Rowan didn't know what the LoneStar scythes wanted from him, but he was sure that they had ulterior motives. He was used to it. So he stayed in the room that he had been given and waited for the other shoe to drop. In that time he watched the videos, stored the victims in his mind. The guilt ate at him, he knew the bloodbath was a direct consequence of his escape. He realised he had been ready for his life to be over. But the universe could never really be done with him, could it? Here he was, still a criminal, still a captive, still a pawn. 

On the second day of his new imprisonment, the two of the scythes who had rescued Rowan entered the room. He just leaned back and closed his eyes. It was time for him to be used again. A third person entered the room, but he didn't bother to acknowledge them. More problems to be piled onto his plate.

"Bit rude not to greet an old friend, isn't it?"

Rowan's entire body froze and his eyes shot open. He stared into eyes he thought he would never see again. It felt like a monumental weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

"Hello, Rowan." Volta smiled. Somehow, Rowan felt, everything would be okay.


End file.
